What is Self Esteem?

We are all familiar with the expression ‘self esteem’ – but what does it really mean? The word ‘esteem’ is derived from the latin word which means ‘to estimate’. As such, identifying whether or not we are suffering from low or high self esteem can be established by focusing on how we ‘estimate’ or view ourselves.

It is human nature for us to compare ourselves to others and may measure achievements, lifestyle, relationships and many other factors against people we interact with. This can be within our own peer groups or at work. This helps us to confirm our position in life and how we respond to these factors can denote our level of self esteem. Our self worth is usually based on our previous performance. Our own personal values tend to be based on how successfully we believe that we have performed in a variety of different situations – unfortunately, we often expect perfect performance from ourselves. When we don’t match up to these expectations for whatever reason, we tend to lower our own self values.

We are also greatly influenced by a society which demands high standards and flawless performance and this can contribute to us losing sight of the fact that making mistakes is a part of life and should not have a negative impact on how we view ourselves. It is natural to care about how we perform but it is more important that we are able to like and love ourselves for who we are. As children, we never questioned our self confidence, we tended to take people at face value without searching for signs of failure. Sadly, as we grow older, we find ourselves continually justifying our worth and social standing and becoming obsessed with not being perfect.

By relying on the approval of others, we are placing all of our own value in someone else’s hands which means that our self confidence and self esteem are effectively out of our control. Control is an important issue in relation to self esteem and makes us totally dependant on how someone else reacts towards us or feels about us. This can leave us feeling vulnerable and we should avoid doing this wherever possible. It is always important to remember the qualities in ourselves that we value as this helps maintain self worth and confidence. Close friends can often provide value in this way – if you trust someone and can discuss positive and negative thoughts, it can draw us closer to our valuable attributes.

Failing at something can create feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Even after feeling like this for a short period of time can chip away at self confidence and self worth. One proven method of maintaining self confidence is to make a list of things that we know we do well and doing one of these things each day. This reaffirms our self belief and also generates a level of pride that we are able to complete a task frequently. Making a list of ‘likeable’ qualities can help us rediscover the aspects of our personality that get taken for granted or forgotten in day to day living. ‘Private time’ is another way of taking time out for ourselves. Pampering yourself, doing something you enjoy, creates feelings of positivity. We can also treat our friends and show them the same level of care. Pushing our existing boundaries is another way to increase self confidence. There may be things that we have always wanted to do but have never risked it or taken up the challenge, however small it may seem. Accepting a challenge can have really positive effects on our self confidence – even if we fail.

Genuine self belief plays a strong part in this overall process and this comes from within. This is about recognising imperfections and knowing limitations but also being able to celebrate our strengths and work towards achievable goals. Any of us should be able to shine and take responsibility for ourselves, our actions and our behaviours. In doing this, we can work towards achieving a balanced, happy and successful life and truly believing that we deserve the best that life has to offer.

If you have already tried to do some of these things and are still concerned about your self confidence and worth, it is important to remember that it is natural for us to experience temporary fluctuations – this happens to most of us. However, if our moods seem to shift on a regular basis or our self confidence is low for a period of time, it is important to seek professional help. Sometimes we find that we lack the necessary ‘foundations’ upon which to develop strong personal self image. This is something we at ‘Shining Bright’ may be able to help you with. If you were to contact us, you can be assured that we will be happy to talk with you about your concerns, in confidence and design a special program adapted to your needs.